Spare the rod: Discipline and our Black children

White supremacy will have us all replicating acts of state sanctioned violence on our own children.

My Dad once yelled at me, told me how disappointed he was in my actions (staying out overnight with my Brother and his friends) 
 His words, tone and the look on his face made me want to dole out lashes on myself in his honor. Even as an adult his words still linger within me.

I've largely been disciplined using words, kind, harsh, truthful, honest words that are forever etched in my psyche.  Once my aunt once tried to physically discipline me, its a moment in our history where she saw me for who I am as an individual with agency; this forever changed our relationship for the better. 

I once threatened to spank my daughter and she put me to my paces, explaining to me how it made her feel in words that made me ashamed, and forced me reflect on: how my own Caribbean upbringing impacted my parenting, the historical significance of how my race, gender and the cultural expectations of how my child should be, act or think based on my parenting.

I've learnt the hard way how to individually parent this child, mostly by fumbling through the dark with her, listening to her and loving myself enough to give her only the best of me. 

Even as a single parent I feel privileged to call her my daughter, to provide a safe place for her to be heard, to be seen, for her to learn, for her to feel loved. 

And when we discuss violence, it's usually within the context of defence of self, community and each other. I am excited to discuss the importance and impact violence had and continues to have within the context of the revolution. 

As for me, I won't shame, shun or applaud the mother seen beating her son who was protesting. He was moved to act for a greater cause and his mother, well she acted out of fear for the life of her son in the only way she knew how. 

But in the vicious never ending cycle of violence on our Black bodies who truly wins when we regurgitate the actions of massa and now sanctioned by a militarized state on our young. 

Race relations Canada vs USA

*backpost from November 2014 - Its a little ranty but thats ok :)

Thinking Canada is any better than the US is just naive.

Thinking that the Special Investigations Unit's (SIU) are any better than the police they investigate is just naive

2012 Ontario ombudsman says its problematic that SIU investigators arrived at the scene with “a whole bunch of preconceived notions of self-defense"

Thinking that if a black man was mercilessly gunned down that you would have answers or the very least know the name of the officer who killed him is just Naive.
Ask the family of Jermaine Carby

Thinking the police would lay charges against one of their own if the police ran over and killed your 5 year old black child while: speeding, running a red light, in an unmarked car without any flashing lights or a siren then you are naive. Ask the family of Nicolas Thorne-Belance, in Montreal

DONT BE NAIVE - Canada is packed filled with racist ideologies, and governed through systemic oppression.

Continues to chant "The system isnt broken it was built this way" #BlackLivesMatter 

white supremacist agenda – systematically eradicating black lives

 

 Policing - in charge of extermination and procurement

Justice system – Ensuring detainment and normalizing of mass slavery

Educational system – Erasure of history, of self-value of self-worth. Indoctrination, introduction to militarization, behavior modification: how to be and act civilized like good white folks.

Religion – reinforcement of behaviour modification, mental and emotional slavery, pacify any means of rebellion thru indoctrination, subjugation. Insubordination = eternal damnation but obedience = eternal life.

Militarization – Money = More Power. Power is Safety, freedom, and Love therefore more wars equals increased freedoms

Media and popular culture – demonizing black: physical traits, black love. Appropriation and rebranding of black music, food and clothing.

What I was taught:

Black men are thieves, liars, fornicators, family deserters, violent thugs, who’s only value is in his ability to labour. Once naturalized and tamed his agility and strength can be capitalize upon.  

Black women are promiscuous, reproduce wildly, uncontrolled, loud, the source of problem, they must be controlled, sterilized and made to watch their off springs suffer, be enslaved, and executed. Their wombs are cursed with the diseases of blackness, they produce only social plagues.

What I did:

Maintained a socially upstanding life, as a leader at school, in the military, and at church; as an educational over achiever.  As an only child failure was never an option and I met and exceeded all expectations. Marrying at 21 to the 1^st white* man who professed love.

How I continue to unlearn:

Motherhood, failure, depression, suicide, cycle of self-destructive behaviours, truth, rebellion, love, community, organizing, constant life exfoliation and re-growth.

Practicing Black love as a Black person is truly a militant and revolutionary act.

Dear Rob Ford: My 6yr old would like share her lesson with you

For the last three or four summer camp days my spawn has been coming home with her water bottle full, so as always I’ve been following up with: Did you forget to drink your water today, why is your water bottle still full?, you need water to grow, and a 100 useful “fun” facts about why we need water. All of which were rebuffed with stories of how she drank all her water and re-filled it at camp. Which made sense the first two times. After the third day I caught on and would ask questions casting doubt and reminding her why it is important to tell the truth but she reassured me it was all legit.

Fast forward to day five or so when she had a string of supporting cast all of who she went with to fill the bottle and featuring a teacher who helped open the bottle. So of course I asked if I called her teacher would she support her story and what should happen if she doesn’t; To which my cleaver spawn even had punishment ideas. That’s of course until I called her bluff and suggested harsher punishment more befitting prolonged deception. She broke down and in tears admitted to all the lies in sequential order and then uttered as sincere of an apology as a six year old in tears could muster which was then followed up by a plea for clemency.

Her punishment was decided upon and agreed to by the both of us in three parts: One was a denial of privilege by rescinding her permission to attend a field trip that was planned for the next day to the Hockey Hall of Fame something she had been looking forward to for a very long time and even got a family member to purchase a hockey jersey of her favorite team to wear on the trip; Two education thru repetition, she would have to tell everyone who asked why she wasn’t going the whole truth of what happened; And three in her next video blog she would discuss the lesson she learn and different ways to rebuild trust.

She cried that morning before summer camp I almost did too, we shared our feelings and how we will hold each other accountable in love thru honest communication, how punishment can sometimes feel like lack of love in the moment and that even though that’s how she felt that she also knew in her heart that I loved her “dearly”. 

....Lessons from a six year old to Rob Ford  

Celebrating the lives, history and strength of those who were never meant to survive.

Heading to the beach in hopes of finally discussing HER aboriginal history with her. Not sure how much is too much and even where to start.
Reflecting on the stories of the residential-school system HER grandaunt shared with me, the separation from her family, everything she knew and the impact it still had on her.
Cherishing my baby's happiness in celebrating a day of her colonizers never sat well with me but here we are:
I'm dragging ass to the beach praying to the ancestors; hers and mines for wisdom, guidance and courage.
Shes smiling and skipping along in a oversize red Canada day hat she was gifted. #lesigh #ohCanada

Centering: Black, Indigenous and all Peoples of Color

Creating anything that is centered on the experiences of Black, Indigenous and People of Color (BIPOC) isn't popular and can be problematic as white supremacy has weaved itself into every aspect of our lived and shared experiences. white supremacy demands answers, demands power and center stage, it demands not only that we hate each other but that we hate all the different shades of our heritage and all traces of our his/her story.

As for me, I wont buckle or budge. This revolution might start as a concept, but I will be there every day pounding the pavement, raising my voice in celebration of placing BIPOC in the center: For those of us who's birthright have been snuffed out from existence, for those of us who cant go home, or have no home, for those who have been disowned and disenfranchised.

I wont claim to know all the answers, or even know what all the questions are, but I will keep my money, my voice and my soul where my heart is at all times. I will keep on evolving, loving my comrades and my self. Until there is no strength left to move, no blood left to be spilled and no breath left to voice the struggles of our people.

After all ... I am Maroon.

"I believe we are still so innocent. The species are still so innocent that a person who is apt to be murdered believes that the murderer, just before he puts the final wrench on his throat, will have enough compassion to give him one sweet cup of water."
- Maya Angelou (Rest in Strength)

Shadow

I am the pain on your soul.
You've been: bled, torn open, walked on, brutalized and left to rot.
You can try not to be defined by your past but your history was barely survivable.
I see your smile and I hear your shallow breath when you say you are "OK".
But I know too well the weight of your story, the paralyzing fear that keeps you up at night and crippled in bed during the day. I see your your dreams been flooded by nightmares of not being able to protect your own from a similar faith. And while you are not defined by your trauma you will never be afforded the ability to just walk away.
Do not be fooled... I am with you always, I am your shadow; embrace me. 

*Image by Kevin Sweeney.